Meditation

My class ends next week, and I am not sure what will happen afterward. I would like to think I'll continue to integrate meditation into my life on a daily basis... maybe even attend temple services or try something out closer to home.

Yet despite how easy it is to sit down in one spot and breathe - I mean, really, what could be simpler... sitting and breathing - meditation at times feels daunting and difficult. It's common to start beating oneself up for thinking too much, to feel like a "bad meditator," or to simply decide there is not enough time to fit it in.

I have done all three of these; the last, most commonly. And it's sort of silly (and embarrassing to admit) that I actually decide on some days I cannot find even five minutes to sit down, and breathe.

I have noticed some changes, however. I am able to stop thinking more often. To bring my thoughts back to the present more quickly when my mind starts to wander away. And to experience a form of happiness - simple, calm, anchored happiness - heretofore unknown to me.

There have been many studies on the affects of meditation: its benefits and potential uses with health issues, ways it can improve mental health and functioning, even how it can increase empathy and alter one's experience of others.

My husband recently told me meditation actually alters your brain chemistry. Apparently, the book he is currently reading describes how the left and right brain become more equally balanced and cohesively aligned through meditation.

In other words, our biological dual natures (the very real split of left and right brain, which translates into yin vs. yang, ego vs. id, little "i" vs. big "I," thinking vs. feeling, logical vs. chaotic, etc.) move toward equilibrium via meditation. So much so, in fact, that our brain chemistry and physical makeup become permanently altered by the practice of sitting.

Sort of incredible to think something so simple could have such profound ramifications—scientific and physical as well as spiritual or metaphysical. Interesting, too, to note how Buddhism, being nontheistic and more of a philosophy than a proscribed dogma, works within any context of faith, religious background, or spiritual leaning.

I am unsure, at this point, whether I will continue looking into Buddhism as a spiritual home. I miss the pluralistic and all-encompassing approach of the religious education program at the Unitarian Universalist fellowship we used to attend. I think it's important to be exposed to and aware of as many different faiths and ways of interpreting our human and higher selves as possible (including atheism and agnosticism).

But something about it definitely fits so far. And the process and commitment of mindfulness has been incredibly powerful - something I intend to carry forward with me.

May you experience at least five minutes of peacefulness today. May you remember to breathe and know you are here.

Still Looking Around

So... here I am, 8 months past my final post on One Joy, One Sorrow. I am in a new town. I am in a new home. I am in a new lifestyle setting (staying at home instead of going to school/ working).

And all of this has helped to create a space and time that is both full of possibility and poised for springing in multiple directions, while also being rife with rut-i-ness and the dangerous pull of inertia that sometimes accompanies the necessity of self-discipline and an internally imposed sense of direction.

In short, I feel a bit directionless. I also feel a bit clearer. Perhaps clearer than I ever have in the last 10+ years of my life. I have started to notice things about myself, my perspective, my assumptions, my interpersonal interactions and habits, etc. that warrant deeper introspection and spur me on to make some sizable and more positive changes in my life.

One such change: getting back to blogging. There was something deeply meditative, spiritual, grounding, purposeful, connected, and fulfilling about doing my first blog. That blog was tied to my sense of feeling called during a Unitarian Universalist service - and the resulting ups and downs of the year that followed as I made a series of decisions that took me toward and away from such service... changed my direction within my counseling program multiple times... and had me looking all over the place for a spot to land.

The end result: I have decided I am not a UU. It's not the right fit for me, though I do love many aspects of the way the services, mission, and activist outreach of that particular faith are set up. I think, ultimately, it was perhaps still too Judeo-Christian in focus for me. Which is not to poo poo those expressions of faith. I believe spirituality or religion must be suited to each individual - and that there is no "right" or "wrong" along whatever path one may choose to take (including atheism). Do what works for you.

What works for me is starting to look more like an interfaith or Buddhist perspective. But time and exploration will tell if those assumptions are correct.

In the meantime, I think it will be helpful to have a space within which to more formally and publicly share the meditations and ruminations coming up lately. And I do still think I am "supposed" to serve in some way. Perhaps it's through writing.

More on that next time, I think.

In the meantime, enjoy the shift of weather that has begun so markedly for many of us. I don't know about you, but for me the approach of winter brings with it an intense array of sense memories, nostalgic feelings, and happy recollections. There is so much I love about this colder time of season... cinnamon, the smell of wood fires, crisp air, apples, the scent of wet leaves, the hush of night.

May warmth and remembered joys find us all.