Transgression

I don't remember when I first learned The Lord's Prayer. My family did not attend church, was not in any way religious... but was very much in support of my learning about various religions and faiths. So I would attend services with my friends—outings which invariably exposed me to new language, new rituals, and new ideas.

It was always interesting to experience an entire mass of people speaking in unison or singing traditional songs. I would marvel at how they all knew these things by heart. Songs and prayers and chants and responses. They just knew what to do.

And The Lord's Prayer was one of those things. I think I learned it, in part, so that I could participate. Not feel so left out. So silent and alone and lost in the hum and buzz of united voices.

My favorite part of the prayer, the one that has stuck with me through what has continued to be a predominantly non-church-oriented spiritual journey, is this:

And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.

I prefer the "trespass" version to the "sin" version for a variety of reasons. It took me a long time to figure out what this part of the prayer even meant. (When I was younger, I had a pretty literal interpretation, which was - ultimately - confusing. I could only think of lawns.)

My understanding of the concept of trespass, or transgression - both with regard to oneself and others - has evolved quite a bit over time. The trespasses of elementary-aged school children, no matter how bullied or bullying they may be - are very different than those of adults. Particularly once you get married and start to have children.

My capacity to fail has increased as I've gotten older; or rather, those failures have the potential to be much greater and have much wider ramifications than those of my 8 year-old self.

And so I am keenly aware of my trespasses. And increasingly aware of what that capacity to fail means to me in relation to understanding my humanness and my somewhat bumpy journey toward enlightenment, or divinity, or whatever you want to call it. That journey which is so solidly anchored in this process and act of forgiveness. Forgiveness of self and others.

Recently, I have joked with friends about how parenting is really this grand opportunity to keep learning about and addressing one's flaws. It's the ultimate lesson in personal evolution and awareness of failure. You can't help but fail as a parent - and in that truth is an inherent and inescapable lesson... one linked to humility (the good kind), resilience, and compassion.

Being aware of my capacity to trespass - being open and awake to my failures, as difficult as it has been - has stretched the boundaries and pliancy of my capacity to forgive. To be patient. To be flexible. To be more trusting. To be more loving and ready to love.

And it's still a journey. I continue to fail. I continue to strive to do better. But forgiveness seems to be the key, and in that balance seems to be the most valuable lesson.

May you notice and forgive your trespasses against others. May you respond with love through all transgressions.

Religion

So when did religion become a bad word? As someone who grew up without any specific tradition or religious teaching, it has always carried a slightly nuanced connotation for me rife with mistaken assumptions, personal indecision, and culturally and familially-influenced bias.

But even then, despite my heretofore predominant apathy and clear lack of knowledge it was never - for me or the people with whom I came into contact - something to be embarrassed of or hidden from others. You attended church or you didn't. You affiliated yourself with a certain faith or not. Someone might ask, you might answer... and that was that.

Not so any longer. I have noticed, in the last several years, an increasing hesitance from those around me (and seemingly society in general) to engage in discussions of spirituality, divinity, or religious leanings. People seem ashamed to admit they believe in God (or any form of higher power/force/etc.). They seem reluctant to use the word... as if somehow speaking the language of faith might thrust them into a spotlight glowing with social ostracization. Bringing up the concept of the sacred, or linking the human experience to something beyond a tangible and physical realm often produces uncomfortable silence with averted eyes and nervous smiles.

This has made my current quest a somewhat lonely and awkward journey at times. I find fewer avenues for open conversation about multiple faiths, the presence of the sacred in everyday life, the purpose of art and similarly divine expressions, and the purpose of belief and spiritual responsibility on an individual and societal level.

I have decided to be mindful of my emerging discomfort in the wake of so much silence from those with whom I am most intimate. I seek to be increasingly aware of how my journey and exploration becomes impacted by the responses I receive (or don't receive) to new language or a different perspective... specifically impacted by a conscious and self-reflective process of spiritual or religious awakening.

I am also trying to do less self-editing borne of social self-preservation. Rather than moving away from religions or shielding myself in faiths more covenantal or philosophical in execution; I find myself instead lately motivated to learn more about all faiths. To dive into greater study and gain more knowledge so I can see the similarities and distinctions among them... and hone an ability to speak in many languages guided by faith because I truly believe in the fundamental cohesion of the human spirit.

These two goals are linked to a recent realization that I have been somewhat remiss in my treatment of those who practice religion and/or consider themselves religious rather than spiritual. Although I have long been aware of the overlap among multiple faiths and expressions of belief and the inherent importance of many viewpoints, including agnosticism and atheism... it was only recently I understood how my capacity for tolerance differed greatly from a genuine sense of respect for beliefs differing from mine.

Within that gap - tolerance vs. respect - lies the development of compassion, mindfulness, humility, and authenticity. These ideas share emphasis among many paths, many forms of belief (be they faith based or no), and many people. That somehow seems extremely significant and something worth pursuing as 2010 begins to unfold.

May you speak a language and find expression genuine to your feelings and beliefs. May you listen to others with compassion and openness.